Caregiver Stress - How to Ease and Support
by Colleen Martin, Social Worker, MSW, RSW
“My granny used to say, you’ve been through the wringer. And I felt those words deeply. Because life is a wringer. We squeeze ourselves dry, giving, giving, our whole lives long. Digging deeper. Going further. Being more. And just when we think we are dry, we are out, we find another drop of sacred self to save someone in need. But here’s the thing, my friends…the wringer must not be final, it’s supposed to be a fluid exercise, we soak, we are wrung dry, we do it all again. So don’t forget to soak. That’s the vital element in this journey. The soak. Keep soaking.” by Donna Ashworth
- Do you resonate with feeling like you are going through a wringer?
- Are there times when you feel worn out or depleted?
- Perhaps you are stressed with all your duties as a caregiver/partner or become frustrated with your person and then feel guilty about how you treated them.
Bringing a Pause to Our Lives
I’m sure you have heard well-meaning advice, like “take care of yourself”. I’ve heard caregivers respond with “there is not enough time” OR “I don’t know what I would do”. I’m sure you have heard the saying, “we have to put our own oxygen mask on first before caring for others”. What does this look like?
I’m not necessarily talking about going to the spa! We all know the benefits of taking time for ourselves, eating well, sleeping and exercising. Beyond that I am suggesting that there are ways that we can bring a pause to our lives. Our minds often worry about the future or we ruminate about the past. Bringing ourselves back to the present moment is one way we can get grounded and reduce caregiver stress.
This can take a few moments in your day. You start by noticing your surroundings. Notice the trees, sky, birds chirping, children playing, whatever you can see or hear. Try it right now: use your 5 senses to guide you. Then notice if anything has shifted for you. This simple exercise can help to ground you, give you a bit of space and then you can keep soaking!
Be Kind To Yourself
Another way to reduce stress is bringing kindness to yourself. One way to do this is to imagine what you would say to a good friend if they were experiencing something similar to what you are going through. What tone of voice would you use and what words would you say to them? Now, can you say the same words to yourself in the same gentle way you speak to your friend? Studies show that self kindness works to reduce stress, worry and ruminating.
Personally, I have been a caregiver to my parents and in-laws who faced age related health challenges. My mother had vascular dementia and I supported her to move to a Retirement Home, then to Long Term Care and later as she declined, I made medical decisions when she was palliative. These personal experiences along with my professional training and experience has led me to working alongside caregivers in my work as a therapist.
How Therapy Can Help
Caregivers tell me that they benefit by talking to others who are experiencing similar challenges. Caregivers say it is helpful to gain another perspective and learn ways to cope better. They report feeling less isolated and alone in their caregiving role. In my counselling therapy sessions, I suggest practical tools and strategies to ease caregiver stress/burden. I offer caregiver support groups where you can chat with others and feel supported in a group setting.
Feel free to contact me for a free initial conversation or to find out information about upcoming caregiver groups.
Colleen Martin, Social Worker, MSW, RSW
Lassen Counselling 226-909-6786
